my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
