i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
