Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
