And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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