I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
