Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
