mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
