That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
