billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
