if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
