hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
