what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
