OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
