Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
