we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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