1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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