a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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