He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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