i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
