woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
