What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
