One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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