from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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