guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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