this boner is exhausting
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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