Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
