Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
