In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
