Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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