Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
