Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
