Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
