You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
