Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
