Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
