I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
