Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
