You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
