So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
