This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
