I'm lost and stupid without you.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i came on her dog
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
