he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
