theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your cock deserves a montage
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
