WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
