That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
