I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
