eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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