Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
