went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
