whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
