I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just pee around me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
