so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
