i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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