I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
