Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
