I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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