Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
