I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
