I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
