whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
