Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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