I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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