i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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