ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
